****************************************************
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
****************************************************
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
****************************************************
Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
****************************************************
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
****************************************************
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense
****************************************************
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
****************************************************
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
****************************************************
A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
****************************************************
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
****************************************************
**************************************************
What is a girl friend? Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
**************************************************
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"
**************************************************
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor. To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
**************************************************
As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
**************************************************
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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What's the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician
**************************************************
Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
**************************************************
How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
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Once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
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Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. " When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya? (What Happened, My Son?)
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,
"Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, ) aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!
**************************************************
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens . because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died 'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
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How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
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A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
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Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
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*********************************************
1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
*********************************************
2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
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3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
*********************************************
4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
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5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
*********************************************
6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.
*********************************************
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
*********************************************
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
*********************************************
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
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Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
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Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
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A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
*********************************************
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
*********************************************
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
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Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
*********************************************
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied Sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
*********************************************
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
*********************************************
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. I
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
*********************************************
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
*********************************************
Sachin Tendulkar
What: Cricketer
How much: Rs 1,163 per minute
India's most loved sportsman makes a lot more than most CEOs of Indian companies; going by his annual remuneration for 2004-2005. Breaking it down, his three-year contract for endorsements is worth Rs 180 crores. He is also paid Rs 2,35,000 for a five-day test match and Rs 2,50,000 for one dayers.A little bit of elementary math: This highest paid cricketer in the world makes around Rs 61.15 crore a year, or Rs 1,163 per minute
Indra Nooyi
What: New Pepsi Chief
How much: Rs 2,911 per minute (from October 11)
Chennai-born 50-year-old Indra Nooyi was the Chief Financial Officer (CFO) of PepsiCo, the US-based soft drink major. In that capacity, her remuneration stood at $5 million (over Rs 23 crore). With her promotionthisyear, Nooyi becomes one of the highest paid CEOs in the world, with an announced remuneration of $33 million (approximately Rs 153 crores). This means Nooyi makes a whopping Rs 2,911 per minute.
Dr Manmohan Singh
What: Prime Minister of India
How much: Rs 0.57 per m inute
An economist by profession, Dr Singh has formerly served in the International Monetary Fund. His economics education included an undergraduate and a master's degree from Punjab University ; anundergraduatedegree from Cambridge ; and a doctorate from Oxford University .. One of the most educated Indian prime ministers in history, Singh also served as the finance minister under prime minister Narasimha Rao. In his presentcapacity, Singh is paid Rs 3,60,000 annually, i.e. Rs 0.57 per minute.
Amitabh Bachchan
What: Actor
How much: Rs 361 per minute
Kaun Banega Crorepati? Apparently, Mr Bachchan! With more endorsements and film releases per year than successful actors half his age, Bachchan's take-home last year was around Rs 19 crore - that's Rs 361 per minute.
Mukesh Ambani
What: CMD of Reliance Industries Ltd
How much: Rs 413 per minute
Head honcho of the $16.5 billion Reliance Industries Limited, Mukesh Ambani was ranked the world's 56th richest man in Forbe's list. But since this is only about salaries (and the like), we'll completely ignore his other earnings. Last year, Mr Ambani earned Rs 21.72 crore; a neat growth of 87 per cent over his previous year's earnings. He makes not less than Rs 413 per minute.
Shah Rukh Khan
The King Khan, who started off modestly as a 'Fauji', made about Rs 13 crore last year. This included his endorsement deals for Pepsi, Hyundai Santro - and of course, wetting himself in a bathtub, surrounded by womenfor HLL's Lux. How much per minute?
Brij Mohan Lall Munjal
What: Chief of Hero Group
How much: Rs 255 per minute
The patriarch of the Hero Group received the Life-time achievement award for 'Excellence in Corporate Governance' by the Institute of Company Secretary of India this year. Brij Mohan Lall Munjal earned about Rs 13.4 crore lastyear. He continues to be the world's largest motorcycle manufacturer and fuels his bank balance with Rs 255 per minute.
Dr A P J ABDUL Kalam
What: President of India
How much: Rs 1.14 per minute
Before taking on the reins of this country, Dr A P J Kalam played a leading role in the development of India 's missile and nuclear weapons programmes - so much so - that he's fondly referred to as the 'Missile Man'. In theearly1990s, he served as scientific adviser to the government, and his prominent role in India 's 1998 nuclear weapons tests established Kalam as a national hero. For all his work in his present capacity as President of the world's largest de mocracy, Kalam draws an annual remuneration of Rs 6,00,000 or Rs 1.14 per minute.
***************************************************
A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
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One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption : Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD, After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
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Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman, Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
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Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
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A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC
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What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
***************************************************
Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
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If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
***************************************************
Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
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When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
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Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
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"A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein
***************************************************
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.He approached her and asked;
" Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"She responded,
"Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "
Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied,
"Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.
One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:
"If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair ."
***************************************************************
Question:What is the full form of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
***************************************************************
Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
***************************************************************
Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
***************************************************************
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
***************************************************************
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
***************************************************************
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
***************************************************************
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
***************************************************************
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
***************************************************************
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in English,answer it in English."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
***************************************************************
SUPER © IS UNIVERSAL as it supports a wide variety of input/source file format to playor encode (to & from) without any additional third party software.Supported input source file formats are:- Video format: 3gp/3g2(Nokia,Siemens,Sony,Ericsson) asf, avi (DivX,H263,H263+,H264,XviD,MPEG4,MSmpeg4 etc..), dat, fli, flc, flv (used in Flash), mkv, mpg (Mpeg I,Mpeg II), mov(H263,H263+,H264,MPEG4 etc..), mp4(H263,H263+,H264,MPEG4), ogg, qt, rm, ram, rmvb, str (Play Station), swf (Flash), ts (HDTV), viv, vob, wmv- Audio format: aac, ac3, amr, mmf, mp2, mp3, mp4, mpc, ogg, ra, wav, wma- Avis">AviSynth Script Files: avs. Let you specify advanced encoding commands using AviSynth scripts!
SUPER © supports the conversion (encoding both ways, to & from ) of ALL the listed formats.To list few examples:
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SUPER © provides a variety of with every file format conversion (encoding).
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Unique Advanced selection. Not available in any other software.
Multiple batch file processing by simple file drag and drop.
A built-in (Portions by MediaInfo) to show tags and internal structure of ALL sourcefiles with a double click.
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" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
***********************************************
First law of Love:
" a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "
***********************************************
Second law of Love:
" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "
***********************************************
Third law of Love:
" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping ."
***********************************************
************ *****
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO ! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
************ *****
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?CLASS : PAPPU!
************ *****
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrongPAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
************ *****
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
************ *****
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of " COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
************ *****
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
************ *****
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
************ *****
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
************ *****
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to , my mom is a good cook.
************ *****
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as yourbrother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
************ ****
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
******************
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