Management Lessons

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.



At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.



Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.



This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.


By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"



The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not? "



With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass ."


Management Lesson: "Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."

How men get into trouble !!!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, " Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.


The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe? " the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

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Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.

"Is this your wife? " the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord.. It is a misunderstanding.

You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez , You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.

Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez ."

Where is John?

President Bush went to a school to interact with the children.

After having one brief talk with the children he asked them

if they had any question to ask him.

One boy raised his hand and stood up;

Bush: whats your name

John: john

Bush: whats your question

John: sir I have three questions

1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO

2) where is osama

3) why does America support Pakistan so much

Bush: you are an intelligent student john….

(just then the bell for recess rang)

Bush: oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.

After the recess...

Bush: ok children where were we?

Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?

Peter raises his hand

Bush :Whats your name?

Peter : Peter,

Bush: What's your question?

Peter: sir I have 5 questions.

1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO

2) where is osama

3) Y U.S. support pakistan ?

4) why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time

5) where is JOHN??

Rhyming couplets

A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... But the least romantic second line.

Here are some of the entries they received.


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My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe "go to hell "


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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.


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Oh loving beauty you float with grace

If only you could hide your face


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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not


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I want to feel your sweet embrace

But don't take that paper bag off of your face


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I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -

Damn, I'm good at telling lies !


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I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming


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My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way

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God doesn't exists...

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A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.

They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

" Why do you say that?"asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.

Tell me, if God exists,would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."

" How can you say that?"asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber.And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly !"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."


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Digital Beauties

SMS Insults

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Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you.

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Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

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The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

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I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And I got a heart attack straight away

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God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.

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