Living in 2009

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

A cow from Alberta

The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening; "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Alberta?"The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?

"The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Alberta."

Enthusiastic Salesman

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

" Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, " Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
**********
MORAL: Gather All resources be4 working on any project...!! !

Family Tech Support

A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy !

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance,
particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated
flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,
but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate Woman.

*************************************************

DEAR DESPERATE Madam, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an
Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.htmland try to download Tears 6.2
and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works
as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications
Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer
6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly
Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0
(it runs a virus that will eventually seize control of all your system
resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7. Good Luck Madam!

Tech Support

Casual Day at office...

A Company decides to adopt Fridays as Casual Day and they issued a Memo to all department intimating the same.

Week 1

Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3

Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day.

Week 6
Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude.

Week 8
Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9
Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14
Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee.

Week 18
Memo 7: Company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20
Memo 8: We are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day is discontinued