Little Johnny

It was Friday morning, and that meant it was time for an activity that the teacher called 'add to the picture'. The teacher would call students to the chalkboard one at a time. The first student would draw an object on the chalkboard, and each following student would add something to the picture to make it a new picture

The teacher called on James to start things off. James returned to his seat.The teacher called on Ernie next.

Ernie returned to his seat.Now it was Suzy's turn.

Suzy returned to her seat.Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board.

Jerry returned to his seat.Kim was called to the board.

Kim returned to her seat.About this time, little Johnny began waving his arm hysterically. Little Johnny was well known for being off center, so the teacher was reluctant to call on him for anything. But as the teacher looked at the picture on the chalkboard, she thought that there was no way that little Johnny could possibly do anything to make this picture dirty. So she called on little Johnny, and he ran to the chalkboard.

The entire class erupted with laughter.... the Teacher fainted. Little Johnny had done it again.

Dating different girls...

Chinese Meimei

First date

You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.

Second date

You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Again, Nothing Happens!

Third date

You usually don't get up to third date because you are smart enough to realize that nothing is ever going to happen.

India Minachi

First date

Meet her parents.

Second date

Set the date of the wedding.

Third date

Wedding night.

Malay Minah

First date

You get to kiss her goodnight.

Second date

You get to grope all over and make out a bit.

Third Date

She moves in. One week later, her father, , her 4 mother, her 18 sisters, her 20 brothers, all of their kids, her 16 grandmas, her father's girlfriend's mother, her 268 cousins all move in.
But don't worry you can repeat this 4 times. ;-)

White Mary

First Date

You both get drunk and have sex.

Second Date

You both get drunk and have sex.

20th Anniversary

You both get drunk and have sex.

ARAB AL-KATIJAH

First Date

Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.

Second Date

You are shot dead.

Third date

Not Applicable

Female Software Programming

Struct female_professional s
{double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative;}


Struct married_females
{double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;}


Struct engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;
Float on_cloud_nine;
Void understanding;
Char edgy;}


Struct newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
Short time_at_work;
Long lunch_break;
Void bank_balance;
Char hen_pecked;}


Struct husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
Short tempered;
Long time_no_see_ each_other;
Void love_life;
Char money_making;}


Struct beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
Short affairs;
Long stories;
Void greymatter;
Char flirt;}


Struct old_lady
{double chin;
Short memory;
Long sighs ;
Void attention_from_ men;
Char chatterbox;}

Real names in bollywood

Aamir Khan - Aamir Hussain Khan

Ajay Devgan - Vishal Devgan

Ajit - Hamid Ali Khan

Akshay Kumar - Rajiv Bhatia

Amitabh Bachchan - Amit Srivastav

Ashok Kumar - Kumud Ganguly

Bobby Deol - Vijay Singh Deol

Dev Anand - Devdutt Pishorimal Anand

Dharmendra - Dharam Singh Deol

Dilip Kumar - Yusuf Khan

Govinda - Govinda Arun Ahuja

Jeetendra - Ravi Kapoor

John Abraham - Farhan Abraham



Johnny Lever - Badruddin Qazi

Kamal Haasan- Alwarpettai Aandavar

Kumar Gaurav - Manoj Tulli

Lucky Ali - Maqsood Mehmood Ali

Madhubala - Mumtaz Jehan Begum Dehlavi

Mahima Chaudhry - Ritu Chaudhry

Mallika Sherawat - Reema Lamba

Manoj Kumar - Hare Krishna Goswami

Nana Patekar - Vishwanath Patekar

Raj Kumar - Kulbushan Pandit

Rajesh Khanna - Jatin Khanna

Rajnikant - Sivaji Rao Gaekwad

Rekha - Bhanurekha Ganesan

Salman Khan- Abdul Rashid Salim Salman Khan

Sanjeev Kumar - Haribhai Jarivala

Shammi Kapoor - Shamsher Raj Kapoor

Shashi Kapoor - Balbirraj Kapoor

Sunil Dutt - Balraj Dutt

Sunny Deol - Ajay Singh Deol

Tuntun : Uma Devi Khatri

What is marketing?

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You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:"I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing

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You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.

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You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say:
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Tele-marketing.

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You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride You then say:
"By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

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You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.

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You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:"I'm rich. Marry me."
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.

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God is a Real Sculptor

Wife vs Husband

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A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
Not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep ," the wife replied, "In-laws."
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A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, " What?"

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CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

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WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
That it indeed says........ .. "HEBREWS"

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The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were givingeach other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious , he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."

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Miss Universe 2008

Good to Laugh

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Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi . Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

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A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order." The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."

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Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?

Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
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Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?

Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer : No, I can't.

Waiter : Then does it really matter ?

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Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in to the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."

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Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.

Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

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Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

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Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

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1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .
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Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
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Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.

Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

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Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?

Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

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An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist. 'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.' 'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

' How long has what been going on?' said the man.

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Girl : Do you love me?

Boy : Yes Dear.

Girl : Would you die for me?

Boy : No, mine is undying love.

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Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.
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Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?

Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

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Funny Pictures

This is how Tsunami started

World's most complicated wathces